How to prepare for divorce

HOW TO PREPARE FOR DIVORCE

Large firm experience and results. Small firm attention.

Going through a divorce or separation is emotionally and financially overwhelming You are dealing with a complicated court process and will be called upon to make important decisions. Here are some of my suggestions as you go through the process!

Consider a More Peaceful Divorce Option

The use of a mediator may be very helpful to quickly and inexpensively resolve some of the issues in your divorce. You will still need a lawyer to guide you and advise you, but the mediator will take the matter out of court and allow you and your spouse to reach a mutually agreeable position.

Organize Your Finances

Much of what happens in a divorce revolves around financial matters that will affect you and your children for many years, therefore organization is crucial.

If possible, work with your spouse to make a list of debts as well as income. Gathering copies of all financial records such as, your most recent federal and state tax returns, W2’s, pay stubs, bank accounts statements, brokerage accounts statements, credit card statements, insurance policies, retirement accounts, mortgage statements, car loan statements, etc.

Take Responsibility

Divorce can seem overwhelming. Your life is and will be changing and the thought of these things can be daunting.

Don’t be a passive observer of your own divorce – this is your divorce so take control of the process. Listen to your chosen divorce professional but be prepared to make your own decisions.

Get Support

This is a very stressful time so be prepared to take care of your self mentally, physically and spiritually. Find a support group. Talk to your family and/or friends. Get counseling. Exercise, meditate, eat healthy and sleep.

When you can control your emotions, you can better prepare yourself for your divorce negotiations and approach them with a calm, level head.

Button

Take the High Road

You may be angry at your spouse, and he/she may be acting in ways that drive you crazy. Do not let this affect your integrity and decision-making. Divorce is not about revenge. It is about moving on. Stay off social media and resist venting details of your divorce to anyone who will listen. Don’t badmouth your spouse to the kids or your family (even if he/she is badmouthing you to them).

Focus on The Big Picture

Again, the decisions you’ll need to make during the divorce process will affect you and your children for years to come. So, don’t fight over things that don’t matter. Fighting is costly. Always base your decisions on a cost/benefit analysis.

While you're preparing for divorce, you'll want to be sure to choose a divorce option that emphasizes negotiation over bullying. Mediation is a great way to resolve difference, especially when it comes to issues relating to children. Don’t make decisions by reference to what your friends tell you. Every case is different and every judge deals with these issues differently. Do not base your expectations on other people’s experiences.

Start Planning for Your Future

Divorce is an end but also a beginning. Start to think about the necessary changes you will make. Will you sell the house? If so, where will you live? Will you buy or rent? Can you live on child support and maintenance? If you pay child support and maintenance, can you afford your rent and your lifestyle? How will the children’s lives and activities be affected by the new arrangement?

The more clearly you can envision your future post-divorce, the easier the changes will be and the better decisions you will make. I have been handling family law matters for over three decades. With the exception of those I can count on one hand, all of my former clients are happy and adjusted in their new lives. You will be, too. It may not be the same life you had, pre-divorce, but it will be a new, fresh start that can lead to great happiness and fulfillment!